The Power of the Positive

• 00:04 I have to be candid with you, there are a lot of so-called motivational speakers,
• 00:10 power of positive thinking speakers,
• 00:13 the secret speakers, and I don't really buy it.
• 00:17 This let's be positive, cheerful, everything all the time, to me and
• 00:21 many others can seem saccharin, can seem phony.
• 00:25 So I'm not asking you to have a big smile on your face with every communication you
• 00:29 do and only look on the bright side of life at all times.
• 00:32 Life is more complex, there are times when we have to communicate negative messages.
• 00:38 You have to do an employee review, and
• 00:40 you now you're going to have to fire the person, there's just no way around it,
• 00:45 there's going to be some messages that have to be communicated.
• 00:49 Having said all that, I do want to stress to you that
• 00:53 anytime you have positive messages, start with that.
• 00:58 It's just human nature to shut down when you hear something negative, and
• 01:03 especially if it's negative about you.
• 01:06 Its human nature to defend yourself and one way of defending, shutting your ears.
• 01:12 I don't want to listen to this person, tell me what an idiot I am.
• 01:16 Now I'm assuming you don't have a lot of communication needs
• 01:21 telling people they're idiots, but you get my point.
• 01:25 There is a tremendous power of the positive,
• 01:29 human beings respond to it better.
• 01:32 They're more likely to listen to you,
• 01:34 they're more likely to think you're credible.
• 01:36 Then when you do have negative information, it softens the blow.
• 01:42 So for example, with all of my clients when I'm working with them for
• 01:46 live in person media training and
• 01:49 public speaking workshops all over the world as I've done for many years,
• 01:54 they send me a video of themselves speaking as part of their homework.
• 01:59 I critique it, I tell them I'm going to critique it.
• 02:01 They're expected me to rip them over, they always say the same thing.
• 02:05 TJ, let me have it, rip me apart.
• 02:09 But what I do is I start by cataloging all the things they do well,
• 02:14 because most people do a lot of things well, and
• 02:17 they're not making certain mistakes other people make.
• 02:22 They may still have mistakes, but their speaking speed is okay, or
• 02:26 their eye contact is okay, or they're not fidgeting with their fingers.
• 02:30 So I note every single thing they do well,
• 02:34 then typically I'll focus on just one thing where I
• 02:39 feel they could really improve, and I tell them exactly how to do it.
• 02:46 And it's very powerful because I've relaxed them because I've told them all
• 02:50 the things they're doing well.
• 02:52 They perceive me as a very intelligent person because I've told them
• 02:57 things they're doing well that no one else has told them, and
• 03:01 then I focus on just one thing.
• 03:03 So it's much easier intellectually, and
• 03:07 psychologically, and emotionally to focus on just one flaw,
• 03:13 and then I tell them exactly what to do to fix it.
• 03:17 So I'm starting off with positives, I then focus on something negative,
• 03:22 and then I focus on positives to fix it.
• 03:25 Now it's not generic, Sally, you're a great, wonderful person,
• 03:29 everybody loves you, I had to fire you tomorrow, you're incompetent.
• 03:33 By the way, you have a nice smile, and you're very proud,
• 03:37 it's not that kind of fake phony donut type of thing
• 03:41 you've heard about in other communications classes.
• 03:45 It's highly tailored and specific to the issue at hand.
• 03:49 So in my case, I'm cataloging their strengths as a speaker,
• 03:53 as a communicator, pinpointing the area that needs to be improved, and
• 03:57 then being highly specific on how to do it.
• 04:00 And then they focus on that, and then they see improvement.
• 04:03 So I've communicated with them because they understand what I'm saying,
• 04:08 and they're able to take the actions I want and make improvement.
• 04:13 And we keep on getting more and
• 04:15 more improvement when we're together in the actual day of training.
• 04:19 And that's actually the approach I use when we're together live as well.
• 04:23 So, I do want you to think about how can you be
• 04:27 as positive as possible, I don't want you to lie.
• 04:32 I don't want you to come up to me and say, TJ you have the thickest,
• 04:36 most beautiful head of curly black hair ever.
• 04:39 That's not credible, and I wouldn't believe you.
• 04:43 But when you can say something positive, it opens people up,
• 04:48 it brings the defenses down, it creates a little more sense of community,
• 04:53 and we'll open people up to your message.
• 04:57 So I want you to always think about how can you place positive messages in
• 05:02 even when there is some bad news and some negative messages to convey.

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