Relationships

• 00:04 Love, friendships, relationships, that is the next sphere.
• 00:09 What is your philosophy of the ideal life here?
• 00:13 Do you view people as mostly mean, negative, cynical?
• 00:19 Are you weary of human beings?
• 00:21 Do you feel like it's best to be alone, that people are a bother?
• 00:24 That one philosophy of life.
• 00:26 Or do you view life as about having relationships with people,
• 00:32 the joy of friendships, of romance, of marriage?
• 00:37 Do you view these as positive things?
• 00:40 That is the first level.
• 00:41 What is your philosophy of how people should relate to other human beings in
• 00:46 the world?
• 00:47 The second level you need to think about, your goal.
• 00:50 Do you view yourself as someone who is lovable,
• 00:54 as someone who is capable and worthy of relationships with other people?
• 01:00 Do you view yourself as someone fun and loving and
• 01:03 deserving of friendships of romance or possibly marriage?
• 01:08 This is critical.
• 01:10 You have to have a positive vision of yourself within
• 01:14 this whole sphere of love, relationships, and sex.
• 01:22 You can't just have a positive sense of potential but view yourself as inherently
• 01:27 unlovable, or you could but that will end up with a very specific result.
• 01:31 You can't also think of yourself as deserving great love,
• 01:35 great relationships, wonderful things but have a fundamentally negative,
• 01:40 pessimistic view about how most people get along.
• 01:43 They need to be in sync in a way that works for you.
• 01:48 The third thing you've got to really think about is what are your long-term goals?
• 01:53 If, for example, you want to maintain friendships with people you knew
• 01:58 from high school 50 years later, you gotta keep that in mind.
• 02:02 That may mean going to reunions, making calls, not every day or
• 02:06 even every month, but every six months or so.
• 02:09 It may mean going to school reunions,
• 02:12 it may mean going to family reunions, seeing long lost uncles and aunts.
• 02:17 What are your long-term goals?
• 02:21 Then you've gotta think about what are your short-term goals?
• 02:23 If it's getting along better with your child or your spouse,
• 02:27 you've got to think about what are your immediate short-term goals?
• 02:32 And that can include things like having family dinner,
• 02:35 something I like to do every single night with my family.
• 02:39 So there's some long-term goals, short-term goals.
• 02:43 Next, you gotta think about core daily habits to support these goals.
• 02:50 For example, I try to reach out to one friend every single day, maybe a phone
• 02:56 call, maybe just a text, but some contact, some connection with a friend.
• 03:01 To me, that is a core habit in the same way having dinner,
• 03:05 not just planning dinner, but having dinner with my wife and
• 03:09 daughter every single day, and quite often lunch with both of them too.
• 03:14 These are core daily habits.
• 03:18 Next, you've got to think about nice but
• 03:23 non-core habits that support your relationships.
• 03:28 Do you get together once a month with friends in a nearby city or
• 03:34 the nearest big city with you?
• 03:36 Do you actively reach out to people?
• 03:39 Do you go to a networking event or
• 03:41 professional event to make new professional relationships with people?
• 03:46 What are the things you do that don't have to be done every day,
• 03:51 but they are great habits that support your goals?
• 03:55 You've gotta have specific ones for that each time.
• 03:59 Also, finally, what are the micro habits, the teeny tiny habits you can do 10,
• 04:06 20 seconds a day that help support your relationships?
• 04:11 For me, it's a simple affirmation saying, I'm the greatest father and
• 04:15 the greatest husband in the world.
• 04:17 And also, I'm the luckiest husband and luckiest father in the world
• 04:22 because of having a great spouse and a great child, a great daughter.
• 04:27 So something simple and short,
• 04:30 an affirmation that I can read really in five seconds.
• 04:35 So you shouldn't copy me, but I do want you to use the same
• 04:39 framework of these seven levels of looking at a sphere in life.
• 04:45 That way, you can put into context your goals.
• 04:49 So do that now, use the checklist below, and
• 04:53 figure out what your seven levels are specific to relationships.

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