Engage In Conversation at the Right Time

• 00:04 When someone is speaking to you, one on one, or over the phone, in person,
• 00:09 there are times when you should be talking back.
• 00:12 As I mentioned, you don't want to just arbitrarily interrupt someone mid
• 00:16 sentence, but when you feel like they've really covered one big point, and
• 00:21 they're perhaps about to go to the next.
• 00:24 And they've actually paused to take a breath,
• 00:28 then it is appropriate to paraphrase or restate.
• 00:32 So, if we were talking together live and you just heard the previous lecture.
• 00:39 And you wanted to practice this, you might say something like, so
• 00:42 TJ let me get this straight, make sure I'm understanding, you're saying in general,
• 00:47 don't interrupt people mid sentence.
• 00:49 But, if they say something and you really didn't hear it, or
• 00:53 you don't understand it, it's okay to say, excuse me, pardon me.
• 00:57 I just didn't hear that last thing you said, could you please restate it?
• 01:01 That's paraphrasing, that's restating it.
• 01:04 So this helps you at several levels because if you know you're going to
• 01:09 do that, you're going to listen more actively.
• 01:13 Because you're essentially going to be testing yourself any minute, because you
• 01:17 can't paraphrase something if you weren't actually focused and listening.
• 01:22 So it motivates you to listen in a much more actively engaged way.
• 01:28 Number two, it's letting the person you're speaking to know this
• 01:33 person is really paying attention.
• 01:36 It's a little bit flattering too, I am getting through, I am a good communicator,
• 01:40 the person is thinking.
• 01:42 And they actually will be, if you're getting the main point.
• 01:45 Now, you don't want to do this every two seconds, it can seem almost childish,
• 01:51 but certainly every so often, especially if it's something important in
• 01:56 your workplace, something new, something that isn't just common sense.
• 02:01 I've never yet heard a client say to me, TJ I hated the way you listened to me so
• 02:06 carefully, restated my needs and
• 02:08 told me how you'd work on them, I've never heard a client say that.
• 02:13 I have heard clients say repeatedly, not about me but
• 02:17 others when the other person left the room,
• 02:21 like just see that person on their cell phone, we trying to have a meeting,
• 02:27 how rude, how disrespectful, that I hear all the time.
• 02:32 So try to listen and occasionally restate and summarize better for your own,
• 02:38 listening better for your own memory, you're actually going to remember it more.
• 02:44 And gives the person speaking to you a breather and a sense that this meeting,
• 02:50 this conversation is actually worthwhile, it's having an impact.

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